your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You left your phone here
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