hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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