My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
