She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
