Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
