yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
