You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
