Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
