Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
