yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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