watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
