It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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