Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
