the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
