Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
