Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
