My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
