I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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