just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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