shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
