I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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