Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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