You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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