Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
