I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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