We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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