2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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