you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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