Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are we still banned from the library?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
