I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
