If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
