i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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