At least make sure they are 18
Why
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
