yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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