I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
