is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
