yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
