Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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