Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize