operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
