would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Houston, we have a squirter
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
