It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
