just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
be right there i have to get my cape
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
