I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
