Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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