I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
