new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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