who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
