if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
