I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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