I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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