I accidentally burped into my bong.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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